bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
