Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
