Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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