I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
