what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
