Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
