there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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