I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
