Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
