hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
