i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
