Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am spending my child support on dildos
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
