Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
