I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
soo... how was my night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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