I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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