one two three fourrrrnication!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
