just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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