dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i already hear my dad disowning me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
