Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
