Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
