i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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