is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
