whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
