everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
