if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
