a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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