yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I see more hoeing in ur future
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