i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
