She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
