Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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