Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
