I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
should my penis look like a turkey
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
