so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
