I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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