I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
