Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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