After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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