This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
