people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
