Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
