Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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