Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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