Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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