how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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