hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
