Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
