Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
