So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
