so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
