I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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