Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
