Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
