I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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