he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
