remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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